Sometimes I think us blogger-types are people who like to complain. English majors, also, teach us to note the weaknesses, flaws, and shortcomings of the things we read, so it makes sense that a lot of how I filter the world is through what it could be. I try to be encouraging of my friends and family, and am invariably optimistic about their chances of achieving their dreams.
Having Husband around has woken me up to how much negativity I introduce into the average day. I try to be positive about Husband: his looks, his abilities, his achievements, and his goals. However, I now have to see the pain on his face whenever I mention how unlikely I am to achieve something, how bad I look, or how disappointed I am with my own productivity. Invariably, he will encourage me, offer a solution to a problem, or just listen well, but I tend to spiral if I start complaining, eventually crying and thinking that everything is awful.
I’m trying an experiment lately, where I try to note every time I say something positive and hopeful about the world and every time I am critical (not in a “turn left, not right” kind of way, but in a way that doesn’t help anyone involved). I’m finding that just the act of trying to notice my complaints is helping me do it a little less. I know there are a lot of times when people appreciate being able to vent, and I don’t think all complaining is bad, but I’m in a time in my life when it seems like complaining itself makes me unhappy, whereas trying to have a positive outlook can reverse the cycle and put me on a path to a happier day.
I might update you all on the complaining department; I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of sunny person that so many of my friends think I am, but I think I can manage to not always see the worst in myself, and instead try to see hope in my world.