I have been finding it astoundingly easy to focus on the future lately. How will I (make more money) (find more happiness) (have more friends) (grow more plants) next year? I’ve tried, on purpose, to think about why I feel the need to do this so much.
One part is natural: the future is exciting. Any day with me is probably a little humdrum by comparison with all that possibility. This part of my personality has always been with me, making me look forward to things even if I am also quite content in the present.
Lately, though, I’m afraid I’ve stopped giving the “now” enough credit. At work, I’m trying to get things done in the hope that some abstract future date will be less breakneck, less busy. I don’t know that such a day will truly come, but I do think that it might be beneficial to slow my roll a little and try to notice some of the cool things I’m doing before I immediately move on to another task.
I notice this tendency as well in (ironically) yoga class. I quantify (how many more leg lifts this week than last week) and I think about my cell phone and I think about how close we are to the end of class. I’m not proud of this: I don’t do yoga to somehow get a cool spreadsheet of facts and figures about how good it was for me! I do it because I want to be present, and the sensations in my body are usually good and challenging and healing.
So I’m telling myself more often that, while I can definitely daydream and definitely note my progress on things, I need to give myself space, even on Monday (“most high octane of all the days”), to do these things, participate in each minute of my life, without making it just a day to add to my growing stockpile of past days on the endless march toward “not quite yet.”